{"id":2760,"date":"2019-04-24T15:49:48","date_gmt":"2019-04-24T15:49:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/recovery.stigmaunmasked.com\/?p=2760"},"modified":"2019-04-24T15:49:48","modified_gmt":"2019-04-24T15:49:48","slug":"a-family-process","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/digitalresearch.bsu.edu\/stigmaunmasked.recovery\/family\/a-family-process\/","title":{"rendered":"A Family Process"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

By: Shelby Jones<\/strong>
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

At age 19, Kira Szarka has seen more than her share of the ravages that addiction causes. She has also been part of the addiction recovery process \u2014 her parents are drug addicts.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

According to a national survey<\/a> by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, one in 35 children lived in households with at least one parent who used drugs over the past year. The survey was taken among households from 2009 to 2014.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kira was 13 when her mother\u2019s meth addiction began. Rhea Graham, now clean for five years and a community advocate for addicts, says life with Kira\u2019s step-father was \u201ca bad situation.\u201d The family eventually left the abusive relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cShe\u2019s always been the rock, always been there,\u201d Kira said of her mom. \u201cIt was always us three against whoever.\u201d <\/p>-Kira Szaraka,<\/strong>
Rhea Graham’s daughter<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

It was a red flag when her mother wasn\u2019t around for her or her older sister. The 13-year-old knew something wasn\u2019t right.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

When she was young, Kira says she never fully understood what was going on or that her mom was an addict, at least not at first. She said that her family never had much so she thought some of the circumstances were just part of being poor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI just noticed that they were struggling for rent, like really bad every month, like it started to get really bad,\u201d she said. \u201cWe didn\u2019t have any food and stuff like that, but I was like, \u2018OK this is normal. We are just poor.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kira has blurred a lot of the years together and sometimes has trouble remembering when certain things happened. But she does recall a time when her mom\u2019s new boyfriend was arrested for what Kira thought was just having her grandmother\u2019s old diabetic needles. He was stopped by police and they saw the needles in the car. He was arrested and later released on bail.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That\u2019s when Kira started noticing the bizarre behaviors of an addict. She later learned both were drug addicts and shared the same symptoms.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She remembers thinking it was odd that her mom always was in her bedroom because she and her mom shared a deep connection with each other. What Kira didn\u2019t know at the time was that Rhea didn\u2019t want her daughter to see her as an addict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOur electricity got turned off and that was probably the worst time of my life,\u201d said Kira.  
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

She remembered one night, especially. It was a cold night in 2014.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kira, 14, and her sister shared a room, with beds side-by-side. They didn\u2019t have any electricity but Rhea and her boyfriend had a heater in their bedroom.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That night, Kira and her sister tried sleeping underneath every blanket they owned. Still, she remembers being cold.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI remember there were so many nights where it was just so hard to sleep like that. I remember one night I tried to use my cats to warm my feet and just to try my best.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Holidays were no better but Kira continued to think the family was just poor. When Thanksgiving came, she was ready to help her mom with the food like she does every year, but she realized they weren\u2019t going to bother making anything or celebrating. She and her sister ended up making the Thanksgiving dinner themselves. She and her sister ate together. Her mom and her boyfriend took Thanksgiving Day dinner to their bedroom, and ate by themselves<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAt that point, I realized something\u2019s not right, because this ain\u2019t cool,\u201d Kira said. \u201cIt just continued to go downhill from there.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The effects of addiction on children include depression, anxiety, doing poorly in school and even unemployment later in life, according to a report<\/a> by the Center for Disease Control.  Children of addicts also are more likely to become addicted themselves, according to the CDC. But more than half don\u2019t. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

At one point, Kira and her sister were sent to live with their biological father in another state and told later their mom and her boyfriend had been arrested for drugs. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI was just like, \u2018What?\u2019 I looked at him and said, \u2018Are you playing with me?\u2019 because this is something my mom would never do,\u201d Kira remembers. \u201cI just thought so highly of my mom through every battle we fought together.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Although it was one of the most difficult times in her life, Kira says today she is grateful to have gone through it because not only did it change her as a person, it also started a good relationship with her father, who had not been a part of her life until then.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kira and her sister stayed with their dad for about six months. Kira says she won\u2019t ever forget the first time she got a phone call from her mom from jail.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI was very angry because I have always been the strong one between me and my sister,\u201d she said. \u201cI have always been the one that is going to fight. I was so angry with her and remembering telling her \u2018I\u2019m going to finish high school with my dad. I don\u2019t want to live with you when you get out, I don\u2019t want to come back with you.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Kira couldn\u2019t understand how her mom could have betrayed her. But that feeling didn\u2019t last. She remembers she would plead to God, \u201cReunite me with my mom. I don\u2019t want her to go away. Let me see my mom again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In 2015, Kira and her sister were back with Rhea. But the tough times weren\u2019t over. At one point, she, her sister and mother were in a shelter for battered women.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once they were able, they left the women\u2019s shelter and moved next door to Rhea\u2019s long-time boyfriend, Brian Graham. Finally, in 2016 Rhea married Brian and life for Kira and the couple started to turn around.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s been about five years now since she moved back in with her mom, and Kira says she\u2019s proud of her Rhea and Brian.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cI saw their recovery pan out in front of me,\u201d Kira said. \u201cI just felt so proud.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Faith has had a strong role in recovery. New Beginnings and Reformers Unanimous keep all of them focused, Kira said. RU has become an extended family, as well as a formal support system with regular group sessions, steps and sponsors.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cGod had a purpose for these two, to touch people\u2019s lives and show them that there is recovery,\u201d said Kira. \u201cSlowly, all the pain and everything that happened . . . This is my family now and we are doing really good.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n


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